The Winner Is… Maggie Delgado! [prize claimed]
I’ve been unable to find any entries with at least 20 likes, so I did a prize draw of the top rated jokes. Thank you to everyone who entered – there were some crackers!
Know a funny joke or two? This is your chance to win £10 just for sharing it with us!
FBL is all about brightening up someone’s day, so hopefully this comp will bring a few smiles to your face too!
How To Enter
Just send us your joke in the comments below or via social media with hashtag #thelolcomp. You can send as many jokes as you like for more chances to win.
Comments with at least 20 likes will be entered into a prize draw and one winner randomly selected. The winner will be announced here on April Fool’s Day, 1st April at 11am and will have 24hrs to claim their prize.
Adult humour is allowed, but that means the competition is only open to over-18s.
I had no idea this LOL comp and the riddle comp happened! Dunno how I missed them, hope they come back soon!
They were run on my other site Win Wonga but I’ve merged them over to FBL as they seem to get a better response here 🙂
Ahh! Thought I was going mad lol..Ive been on FBLs sister site but not much so didn’t see them. Deffo should be merged on here in future! Thanks for letting me know.
OMG !! I’ve won !! Thank you so much !! ive had to read the winners name 3 times and even then I didn’t believe it so I asked both my husband and son whose name it was before it finally sunk in !! Im going to donate it to my local animal shelter for abandoned pets. Thanks again ?
Aww that’s lovely that you’ll be donating it to help abandoned pets, very worthy cause. Congratulations on your win Maggie 🙂 x
I never in a million years thought I’d win the LOL comp so imagine my surprise to see my name as the winner !! and the money is already in my PayPal account, that’s fast !! ???????
well done! I did like yours! Lovely of you to donate gUess I’m not as funny as I thought I was! lol
I went to a zoo the other day which only had 1 dog in it. It was a shih-tzu.
An onion told me that joke. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry!
#thelolcomp
This is an old Ronnie Corbett joke. A man was playing the piano very badly in a pub and attracted complaints. One bloke said to him: ” You’re terrible. My cat could play better thaan that”. The fella replied: “Oh yeah? Bring him in and let’s see what he can do then”. Next day the other guy duly turns up along with his cat. The feline plays brilliantly and everyone is suitably stunned. “The first man syas to the cat ower: “That’s amazing, I’ve never seen anything like it”. The cat’s owner replies, “That’s not all, he plays his own… Read more »
A group of sewage workers went on a day trip to the seaside. One of them was so overcome by the fresh air that he fainted. It took six buckets of shit to revive him.
There was a young man from Port Said.
Who fell down the toilet and died.
His poor aged mother,
She fell down another.
And now they’re interred side by side.
When is it International funeral day for turkeys ? 25th December
#LOLCOMP Donald Trump has denied he was in Russia……
but he was in Miss Argentina, Miss Peru and Miss Brazil
#LOLCOMP My wife asked If I was bothered about Britain getting rid of the EU.
i said not really as long as we still have A I and O
#LOLCOMP Husband and wife in bed.
wife : why were you screaming last night
husband: I had a dream that turned into a nightmare.
wife : what happened ?
husband : I dream’t that Uma Thurman, Scarlett Johannsen and Charlize Theron
stripped me naked and made mad passionate love to me,
wife : How did it turn into a nightmare ?
husband : You woke me up.
#LOLCOMP why does the cyclops not talk to his mother in law
They don’t see eye to eye
#LOLCOMP why does Somerset hold a Whitney Houston day ?
Because she died in Bath
what have Aston Villa and Oxfam got in common…..They are both Non profit making organisations.
a duck walked into a chemist and said id like to buy a chap stick please, certainly the man says to the duck that will be one pound ten please. just put it on my bill says the duck
#LOLCOMP
What is Whitney Houstons favourite type of coordination?
Haaaannnnndddddd Eeeeyyyyeeeeeee
#lolcomp-My Ex-girlfriend bought a parrot,would the bloody thing shut up?….the parrot was cool though!
#lolcomp- A guy walked into a bar and saw a man with a steering wheel down his pants! asking if it was uncomfortable the man replied ,”it’s driving me nuts!”
#lolcomp- what’s the difference between a G.spot and a golf ball?……..A man will always look for a golf ball!
#lolcomp- 18! Why was the music teacher arrested for paedophilia? He fingered a minor!??
#lolcomp- Why don’t blind people skydive?………..coz it scares the shit out of their dogs!
The computer told me to create a password of eight characters – so I chose “Snow White and the seven dwarfs”
#thelolcompetition-Bit rude!!!! A daddy bear and his son are in the library,all of a sudden a Panda bear carrying a hamburger,bursts in the door! He sits down,scoffs his burger,ran over to the wall and had a w***k,shooting it all up the wall! And ran out the door!! Son says ,”daddy what’s that all about? Daddy bear says”I don’t know son ?,let’s look in the Big Book of Bears! So they get the book and look up Panda Bear:- answer :- Eats shoots and leaves!!!!???
Decided to get rid of my old vacuum cleaner, all it’s ever done is collect dust.
BOOM BOOM!
My husband thinks Leeds united football club will get promoted this year.
Best joke I’ve ever heard 😀
A man always insisted on making love in the dark.
After 20 yrs his wife turns on the light and finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes ballistic, ” you impotent bastard ! How could you lie to me all these years ? ”
Her husband looks her straight in the eyes and calmly says, ” I’ll explain the toy, you explain the kids…….”
A girl realised she was growing hair between her legs.
She got worried and asked her mum about that hair.
Her mum calmly said,” That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your Monkey has grown hair.” The girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her sister, ” my Monkey has grown hair.”
Her sister smiled and said, ” That’s nothing , mine is already eating bananas. “
A lady walks into a fancy jewellery store. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day Madam, how may we help you… Read more »
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a… Read more »
Did you know you’re never alone with Schizophrenia!
dyslexic man walks into a bra …
Over 18 only. On Thanksgiving day, a little boy overhears his mom and dad fighting. He hears his mom call his dad a bastard and hears his dad call his mom a bitch. He asks, “Mommy, what does bastard mean?” She answers, “Um, it means boy.” Then he asks, “Daddy, what does bitch mean?” He says, “Uh, it means girl.” Later that day, the boy sees his father in the bathroom shaving; the dad accidentally cuts himself and says, “Sh*t.” The son asks, “What does that mean?” The dad says, “It means shaving cream.” Then he sees his mom in… Read more »
What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
1Forrest1
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.
“Oh, just a beer.”
The bartender asked the man, “What’s wrong, why are you so down today?”
The man says, “My wife and I got into a fight,and she said she wouldn’t talk to me for a month.”
The bartender says,”So,what’s wrong with that?”
The man said, “Well the Month is up tonight.”
Police Officer : ” Can you identify yourself , sir ? ”
Driver pulls out his mirror and says: “Yes it’s me.”
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple in their bedroom.
The husband turned to his wife and whispered, ” Honey, this guy hasn’t seen action in years, if he wants sex, I think it’s best to just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it.”
“I’m so relieved you feel that way,” replies the wife, “because he told me he thinks you’re really cute.”
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asks sarcastically, ” Relatives of yours ?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid,stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care!
I was chatting to my young daughter about digestion. “Food goes into your mouth and where does it come out of?” She replied, “The shop!” Bless her.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
what do you call i lion that eats lambs? Simbaaaaaaaaaah!
#thelolcomp- What do you call a fly with no wings? … A walk!
#thelolcomp-What are a woman’s 4 favourite animals?…A mink in the wardrobe,a jaguar in the garage,a tiger in the bedroom and an ass that pays for them!
#thelolcomp- Why does a man’s Willy have a hole in it? so he can get oxygen to his brain!
how come it was 1 up before and now back to 0??don’t get the point system???
It’s because people can down-vote too.
Get it now! Some good ones!!lol!racking my brains for something special! Dont want to be too rude though!?
Little Timmy was doing his math homework. He said out loud to himself ” 2 plus 5, that son of a bitch is 7. 3 plus 6, that son of a bitch is 9. His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, ” What are you doing ? Little Timmy answered, ” I’m doing my math homework. ” ” And this is how your teacher taught you to do it ?” his mother asked. ” Yes.” he replied. Infuriated, the next day she called Little Timmys teacher, ” What are you teaching my son in class ?” The teacher… Read more »
A dick has a sad life.
His hair’s a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbours an asshole, his best friend’s a pussy and his owner beats him.
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mum is going up and down on the dad and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. The little girl says ” What are you doing mummy ?” The mum is too embarrassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. ” Well sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out ” The little girl replies ” Well mummy, you really shouldn’t bother with that.”… Read more »
A head nun tells 2 new nuns that they’d have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So 1 nun says to the other one ” Hey, let’s lock the door, take all our clothes off and fold them up.” Soon they hear a knock at the door. ” Who is it ? ” they ask. A voice replies ” Blind man. ” The nuns look at each other, then 1 nun says ” He’s blind, he can’t see, what could it hurt ? ” They open the door and the blind man walks in and… Read more »
Did you hear about the homosexual racehorse he kept tossing his jockey off
A man is lying on the beach sunbathing, he’s wearing nothing but a hat over his penis. An ugly woman is passing by and remarks ” If you were a gentleman, you would raise your hat for a lady…….”
He replies ” If you were any sort of lady, the hat would raise itself ! “